Down by the Cypress Trees

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?

I have been thinking about this question all afternoon since it was first posed to me. I have had a long 31 years of life, with many experiences which have shaped me into the person I am today.

But ever since I read the book, “The Power of Now,” by Eckhart Tolle, I’ve noticed myself ruminating less on the past (especially all the negative moments) and have found myself wishing less for a different future. The present moment is all that ever truly exists to every single person on this planet – everything else is just a figment of our imagination or a faraway memory that we have accessed within the depths of our mind. Neither the past nor the future have any basis in our current reality.

Once I realized that I could no longer control what happened in the past and that I have very limited control over what happens in my future, it has allowed me to be okay with and enjoy the present moment a little bit more each day. I have started to find joy in everything around me – in the sunlight shining upon my golden skin during an afternoon out and about, or in a butterfly bringing new life to a species of flowers.

Having a physical disability and mental health challenges, it has not been an easy road to get where I am today. I’ve been at my rock bottom more than once – whether it was dealing with sepsis due to an infection in a now-healed knee wound, or admitting myself to the psychiatric hospital to get some much-needed inpatient treatment after I had just alienated half my friend group. Now, for the first time in my life, I can truly say I feel successful and fulfilled. I’ve got a small but close group of friends, I am active in my community with all my volunteer work, and I have made it seven long years at my current job as a technical writer.

So, if I had to answer this question honestly, I would say that there isn’t a particular time in my life that I would choose to re-live. While all the moments leading up to now have served an important purpose in my life in where I am today and where I am going, the past is the past, and it is unnecessary to dig up old bones. In fact, digging up some of those old bones can be more painful that it is actually worth. I’d much rather harness the “power of now” and focus my attention on what I can do in the present moment to stay happy and fulfilled.