Down by the Cypress Trees

The Next Phase…

The past week has been the definition of hell for me. On December 17, my brother and his boys got here to visit for Christmas, and two days later on December 19, I took my girlfriend to the airport so she could head back home to Pennsylvania to start her new job and the next phase of her life.

A few days prior to my brother’s arrival in Florida, I ran out of my Vyvanse, which I took for my ADHD. Long story short, there has been an influx in ADHD diagnoses in the past year or so; therefore, medications like Adderall and Vyvanse have been prescribed leading to shortages throughout the supply chain.

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me and I suffer from horrible withdrawal symptoms from it every time. This time was different — I still don’t have it and I seem to be doing fine without it. I seemed to come out of my fog yesterday and the path I left in the wake of my withdrawal left me feeling riddled with guilt and embarrassment.

I did not get to enjoy the first two days of my brother and nephews being here, and I secluded myself in my room away from my girlfriend for the last two days of her vacation.

So I made a choice yesterday when I woke up — I was hopelessly addicted to my Vyvanse at this point and the jury was actually out on whether it made a real difference for me. I decided I am not going back on it, and I am going to see how I fare without putting stimulants in my body when it is not really necessary.

Today, the sun feels so much brighter and I have energy like I haven’t had in several days. I am currently sitting on my back porch and just watched a small group of deer gallop across my backyard, and I have been able to actually enjoy it.

Since my girlfriend left, the goals I have in my life have become much clearer — I want to find a job or activity that truly makes me happy and allows me to follow and fulfill my purpose in life, I want to be financially stable again, and I want to be able to move into my own place in 2024.

My supervisor at work, in trying to comfort me about my girlfriend leaving to go back up north, told me to think of this not as an ending but as a new beginning of the next phase of my life. So, here is to the next phase.

One response to “The Next Phase…”

  1. Arwen-Wynter Oakley Avatar
    Arwen-Wynter Oakley

    I am so proud of you for taking the necessary steps to follow through with your intentions. You are going to be so much better both mentally and physically without the stimulants. I feel as though the only thing that they are really doing for someone is giving them a boost. Look at amphetamines… those who use them illicitly, use them for the boost in energy and focus. While it sounds like a great prospect, the side-effects are less than stellar. Constipation, diarrhea, anxiety, panic, tachycardia, GI upset, headaches and migraines, anorexia, and so much more. I am proud of you for taking a substance out of your system. You know that I am not one for naturopathic medicine save for a few different practices — this is time to consider the wholistic approach. Perhaps what was assisted with the stimulants can be replaced with positive habits and healthy energy. I love you, and I will support you in any endeavor, but I was never keen on you being on stimulants, love. They are scary. I love you, and this is the next chapter of both of our adventures. You are making leaps in your mental and physical health — I am making leaps with my anxiety and physical health. ❤ We got this!

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